Dear 14 year old me,

**TW** 

I know how scared you are, the fear rides in with the setting of the sun. As night time engulfs and curtain are closed, most people drift into a calm sweet slumber. How can you relax , how can you stay calm, I understand your fright.  For when the world is sleeping, your living nightmare begins.

You hear his softest footsteps and his deep breath.  Your whole body tenses, whispering prayers to make this stop.  But no one can hear you, your screams are in your mind.  I know that as your keep your eyes tight shut and clench every muscle in your young body, you are desperately fighting back tears.

You know what is coming, you know who will, any second, enter your bedroom. What was your safe haven but now your secret hell.  You ask yourself “why me” “what did I do wrong”.  I know that deep down you do not believe his lies, you know it’s not because you’re special and you hope that people would believe you if you told. But what if they didn’t?

I want to tell you, I wish you could hear. Tell the world, they all suspect anyway.  You’re a brave, strong young lady.  Please fight this abuse.  If you don’t it will carry on, your eating disorder will spiral out of control.  Your mental state will be ruined and before you know it’ll you’ll be heavily medicated and known as the “weird” one.  Get help, you deserve it.   I will hold your hand every step of the way.

I know though that you can’t hear me.  Because you are me and I can’t go back in time.  Gone are all those years. You and I still suffer and justice will never be served. 

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